The WOW Factor: Participant Hayley Shares Her Story
Hayley, third from the left at the back, during the WOW URBNSURF Program
“It was the first time in many years when I had those feel-good endorphins, I felt confident, and I felt safe with other people.”
Words: Carmela Diaz Arteche
Hayley Iluka (“By the Sea”) is a 54-year-old woman, mother, teacher, breast cancer survivor and all-time ocean lover. Hayley participated in our WOW Women’s Surfing Experience program at URBNSURF, Melbourne in October 2021.
Hayley has a long history of mental ill-health and has been battling PTSD, anxiety and chronic depression since her early 40s.
“My psychologist kept me alive, but I wasn’t doing anything that was reminding me to live. I needed something to give me back my life, and the WOW program was the kick off point for that.”
Born to a family of saltwater people and having spent most of her childhood surfing at Portsea (a popular seaside town on the Mornington Peninsula), Hayley had always had a very special connection with the ocean.
But when Hayley’s mental health started spiralling down, she stopped going to the ocean - the place she loved the most.
“When PTSD, anxiety and depression got bad, I stopped going to the ocean, as I was scared I was going to die. I had breast cancer when I was 25 and again when I was 32 - my brain was hardwired to say, ‘everything is trying to kill you’.”
A couple of years ago, Hayley decided she wanted to get back in the water. Since then, she had been trying to get back on a surfboard, but her anxiety and negative self-talk kept getting in the way.
“When my anxiety bubbled up and toppled into panic attacks and really poor mental health, I started to unpack things and realised really quickly that things were not ok. I took antidepressants for probably 12 years, but that didn’t really help. A couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to get back in the water. I would swim, but wouldn’t surf or get out of my depth. My brain kept going ‘you’re going to die’.”
Along Came Waves of Wellness
Hayley saw an Instagram post about WOW and immediately thought the program sounded perfect for her.
“When I heard about the WOW program, I thought: this is made for me.”
Hayley was on our WOW Melbourne programs waitlist for almost a year, as her work schedule and commitments held her back.
In mid-2021, Hayley’s mental health spiralled down to a point where she realised something had to change. In October 2021, Hayley decided to shake things up and signed up to our URBNSURF Women’s program.
“I’m a strong believer in radical action. If you keep doing what you’ve always done you will keep getting what you've always got. I felt stuck, I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere; and when you have anxiety and depression that is the worst place to be in, with nothing to look forward to. I was like, ‘This will be really good, you’ll have something to look forward to every Thursday’.”
For what felt like the first time in her life, Hayley decided to put herself first.
“Once my mental health got so bad, I told myself: ‘You have to prioritise yourself now’. I had never done that. (Doing the program) was the first time I realised I can put myself first and it will be okay. I put in the paperwork and told work I had to leave at this time for a mental health program that I want to be involved in.”
Where There’s a Will There’s a Wave
Hayley soon realised that the WOW program was exactly where she needed to be.
“I knew my mental health was getting really bad, I knew I was spiralling down again, and that is where I needed to be.”
“It was the first time in many years when I had those really good endorphins, I felt confident, I felt safe with other people. I hadn’t had that in a long time. (I thought to myself), ‘Ok, well, surfing is good, you just need to surf more’.”
“I came away (from every session) with such a good sense of wellbeing.”
Although Hayley had been attending traditional therapy with a psychologist, and had been on medication for nearly 12 years, participating in the WOW program was different.
“My mental health team from the psychologist perspective - they are the people that have kept me alive, but I wasn’t living. I was still putting everything else before prioritising my own needs. Doing the program was the first time that I’ve put myself first.”
“I’m a strong believer in “if you start something, you finish it”. When you live in a depressed state for so long, everything is so hard - so you just go ‘I’m not gonna start anything because I can’t finish it’. WOW gave me the opportunity to start something, and I only missed the last session because I was interstate - surfing!”
The Positive Ripple Effect
“I always felt mentally clear after each session. Having something to look forward to each week also helped.
“Prioritising my mental health made me pay attention and made me realise I needed to make some changes in order to get better.”
“Learning new languages and strategies to cope with anxiety such as yoga and breathing was great too. It (the WOW program) gave me lots of different strategies to talk to myself and celebrate myself and be pleased with what I’ve achieved.”
“A lot of those things that we did (breathing, meditation, relaxation techniques), I always thought were not for me, but it actually is. In order to participate fully in the program I had to let myself go with that, and just do the suggested things. It made me more receptive to other ways of settling myself and calming myself that do not rely on medication.”
Sharing the Stoke
One of Hayley’s highlights during the WOW program was sharing the stoke with the other women in the group. Hayley is a big advocate for women’s surfing, and her “Yewwws” and kind encouraging words in and out of the water brightened up all of our sessions.
“To share that excitement with people in the group that were not surfers, just sharing their enjoyment and everyone cheering everybody on - it makes you feel good, someone is cheering for you! When you get to my age, people stop cheering for you.”
“It’s life changing for me. Instead of living scared and ashamed, now I’m actually really cool and I’m good at this [surfing]!”
It’s Okay not to be Okay
Being in a group where everyone felt comfortable to share their mental health journey and experiences helped Hayley realise that she was not alone, and reminded her to be kinder to herself.
“There are stacks of people out there, and you can’t tell by looking at people who is struggling”
“(I learned) that even people who look okay are often not and there is a huge scope of reasons why they are not okay.”
Hayley brought her authentic, warm and uplifting energy to every WOW session. Her willingness to be vulnerable and share openly about her mental health journey inspired others in the group to do the same.
“I’m pretty open with my mental health and most people at the program were too, but in my day to day I don’t come across that. Most people, if there are problems, they don’t talk about it. It was 12 years of suppression of emotion, so my emotions were really big. Just being able to say that to a group of people and them saying ‘yeah, we’ve got you, all good’. I had never had that opportunity before.”
“For me, my mental health was never a group thing, it was always very much ‘you are the problem, and we need to fix this’. Being able to sit in front of a group of women going through similar things and say ‘Don’t mind me, I’m a crier!’ and that being okay, whereas normally I would be hiding it and trying to suppress it.”
“When you have joy, which is what surfing did for me, you get to experience both levels of emotions - the super super lows and the super super highs - and you realise that the highs are there, you just have to go looking for them. Doing the WOW program definitely kickstarted that for me.”
The WOW Surprise Effects
At first Hayley felt as if she shouldn’t be there, as if she was taking someone more worthy’s spot, but she felt so welcomed by the facilitators and participants and soon began to value her contribution.
“[the WOW team] were kind, encouraging and welcoming. I felt really privileged to be participating.”
“I made quite a few really nice connections in that time. That surprised me, because I usually don’t feel like I bring anything of value, but I actually felt really valued.”
“I suppose I felt really safe. Because I share a lot, I’m a big sharer, but I need to feel safe to do that. Having that safe space to share and to listen to other people’s struggles and go, ‘well, you’re not alone’.”
Overcoming Challenges and Obstacles
Hayley had to drive 1.5-2 hours in Melbourne peak traffic, straight from a long day at school, to get to our WOW sessions every week.
“Actually getting to URBNSURF was the biggest challenge. Every week I’d ask myself the same question, ‘Is the juice really worth the squeeze?’, and every week I’d walk away going ‘Yes, juice was worth the squeeze’. It taught me that in order to help myself, I needed to do the unpleasant bits to get to the good bits. I felt proud of myself each week for investing in myself.”
Instead of seeing this solely as an obstacle, Hayley reframed it as “a gift” that allowed her to unpack what we had done in the session and sit with that feeling of complete post-surf bliss on her way home.
“Even though it was a very long drive, I had plenty of time to think about how I was feeling and the things we talked about.”
“I would be thinking about all those good endorphins during the session and all the things we were learning. I had a lot of time to think about it on the way home, and I was like: ‘You just need to surf more, look how good you feel when you are doing this’. I can’t wipe the smile off myself, I don’t care if I’m getting smashed.”
“Once it (the program) finished, I said to myself, ‘Now it’s up to you, you’ve been given some strategies, ideas and skills, what are you going to do? I started looking for what else could help me along the way. When you’re in survival mode, you can’t do that work.’”
Hayley’s Post-WOW Mental health Journey - Surfing the Waves of Wellness
At the start of the year, once Hayley went back to work and teaching face-to-face after the summer school holidays, her mental health started spiralling back down.
“Teaching through COVID was tricky. I thought once I got back face to face everything would be fine. But it was not fine. I was having full-blown scale 10 panic attacks every day before I went to work, having to take valium to get there. Then it got to the point where I would not drive because I was having panic attacks in the car. And then I realised, ‘this has to stop’.”
Having had the opportunity to experience putting herself first during the WOW program, Hayley felt empowered to take a step further towards prioritising her mental health. In March 2022, she resigned from her full-time job, one of hers main sources of stress and anxiety, and started teaching causally 2 days per week.
“In a sense, it (doing the program) has now led me to a position where I’ve actually resigned from my job. Why should I stay in a job that causes so much angst?”
“Because I had done the program, and it was the first time I had ever prioritised myself, it made me realise that the world does not revolve around me as being the only person that can teach my class. It does not matter if I’m not there. I can put myself first and the world keeps spinning, and nothing bad happens.”
“We (my husband and I) did the maths, and decided I could keep working 2 days a week. I’ve been doing that since March, and already I am so much better. And like I said, doing the program was that catalyst for me to go ‘you need to put yourself first’. And it has been a game changer. I am so much better. I’m still fragile, but I don’t have that sense of dread on a Sunday night.”
By reducing her working days, Hayley got herself “5 days of space” and freedom to do those things which bring her joy and support her mental health journey. She bought a little holiday van down at Inverloch, her favourite surf break, and spends her days off going for walks along the beach, swimming, reading, sitting in the sun - and of course, surfing 2-3 times a week with a wonderful group of women!
“I am surfing 2-3 times a week with an amazing group of women at Salty Seas Surf School in Inverloch.”
Hayley has also set herself some incredible goals - both surf- and wellness-related!
“I am training to complete my Bronze Medallion at the end of the year so I can hopefully become a surf coach.”
“I have also applied to do a postgraduate diploma in mental health counselling and I am considering commencing my doctorate studies when things settle down a bit more. My main focus is becoming well so everything will have to wait until that is achieved, but I am well on my way.”
Learning to ride the waves of wellness with a new group of women and prioritising herself was completely life-changing for Hayley.
“Had I not done the program, I would probably still just be working and miserable, and spiralling into an uncontrollable depression and (I would) probably be in hospital. It was definitely a fork in the road life moment for me.
Wanting to pay it forward, Hayley continues to be a huge WOW supporter and has signed up to be front-line support as a volunteer WOW Surf Mentor.
Thank you, Hayley, for being part of the WOW family!
Here is Hayley’s advice for anyone thinking of joining a WOW program:
“Do it! Prioritise your mental health over everything else. This program will give you the opportunity to do this and it is a lot of fun. The good endorphins you get are life changing.”
Find out more about our programs here.